1.如果有一天我把你拉黑了，不是我讨厌你，而是你卖的东西我实在买不起。
1. If I blackmail you one day, it's not that I hate you, but that I can't afford what you sell.
冷笑话句子
2.不要问我为什么考不好。年轻，任性
2. Don't ask me why I didn't do well in the exam. Young, willful
3.都怪天气太冷，我被封印在被窝里。
3. It's strange that it's too cold. I'm sealed in the quilt.
4.这天气，我决定跟我的被子同归于尽。。。。。
4. This weather, I decided to die with my quilt.....
5.知道螃蟹为什么横着走吗？为什么？因为有钳，所以任性！！
5. Do you know why the crabs walk sideways? Why? Because of the pliers, so willful!!
6.有人考试靠实力，有人考试靠视力，尼玛我考试靠想象力
6. Some test by strength, some test by vision, NIMA I test by imagination
7.最悲哀的事情莫过于你认真答了一张卷子结果分数还不如蒙着答的高
7. The saddest thing is that you answer a test carefully and the score is not as high as that of the blindfolded one
8.说，你除了吃还会什么？还会饿。
8. What else can you eat? And hungry.
9.来而不往！非礼也~~
9. Come instead of go! Indecent~~
10.媳妇，我想养头猪。说人话我想娶你回家
10. Daughter in law, I want to raise a pig. I want to marry you
11.有人告诉我，这世上再也没有比爱情更复杂的东西了，我一本数学书摔在他脸上。
11. I was told that there is nothing more complicated than love in the world. I fell in his face with a math book.
12.我们都是一群困得要死却又不得不起的人
12. We are all a group of people who are sleepy to death but have to rise again
13.宁愿坐在自习室里哭，也不愿意躺在宿舍笑。我们的目的是：让别人心慌！
13. Would rather cry in the study room than laugh in the dormitory. Our goal is: to make others panic!
14.考试时学霸就像Wifi，方圆十米全是想要密码的人。
14. In the exam, learning bully is like WiFi. People who want to use password are all 10 meters around.
15.为什么心情不好的时候总会想吃东西，因为伤心欲嚼
15. Why do you always want to eat when you are in a bad mood, because you want to chew when you are sad
16.有的人是属拖把的，事情拖着拖着就一干二净了。。。比如我。
16. Some people are mops. If they drag things, they will be clean... Like me.
17.学校虽然很穷但却从不吝啬于印卷子这一点让我深受感动
17. I was deeply moved by the fact that although the school was very poor, it was never stingy of printing papers
18.别问我为什么单身就是这么优秀，这么任性
18. Don't ask me why being single is so good and willful
19.我终究还是看不透命运说人话我选择全蒙错了
19. I still can't see through fate. I'm wrong about my choice
20.转眼间，又到了北方人得瑟，南方人哆嗦的时间了
20. In a twinkling of an eye, it's time for the northerners to tremble
21.旺夫的女人有几大特征：能吃、能喝、能睡、能花钱、外加不讲理、不干活！然后夫就火了
21. Wangfu's women have several characteristics: can eat, can drink, can sleep, can spend money, plus unreasonable, do not work! Then my husband got angry
22.对胖子说的：在吃货眼里，你永远只是一块肉。
22. To fat people: in the eyes of food, you are always just a piece of meat.
23.一个成功的男人背后一定有个伟大的女人。马云除外，他成功的背后有千千万万的女人！
23. Behind a successful man there must be a great woman. Except Ma Yun, there are thousands of women behind his success!
24.一批败家娘们成就了今天的马云，马云养活了成千上万的快递爷们，快递爷们累死累活挣的钱又回到了败家娘们的手中，又拿去成就了马云！
24. A group of losers have made Ma Yun today. Ma Yun has supported thousands of express men. The money that the express men have worked so hard to earn has come back to the hands of the losers and made Ma Yun!
25.高数老师以4G的速度讲课，学霸以wifi的速度听着，学神以3G速度记着，学屌以2G速度干瞅着，学渣当场掉线！
25. High school teachers give lectures at 4G speed, Xueba listens at WiFi speed, Xueshen remembers at 3G speed, xuediao watches at 2G speed, Xuezao drops the line on the spot!
26.刚打电话跟朋友借钱："我出车祸了，急需一笔钱周转。"朋友忙问："肇事司机是谁？什么车？""我老婆的购物车。
26. Just called a friend to borrow money: "I had a car accident, so I need a turnover of money. "Friend asked:" who is the driver of the accident? What car? "My wife's shopping cart.
27.12年前，学校里很多人没手机的时候，我手里拿着高端NOKIA，那时我亮了。12年后，老同学聚会，人人手里拿着IPHONE，这时我拿出NOKIA，我又亮了。
27.12 years ago, when many people in the school didn't have mobile phones, I held high-end Nokia in my hand, and then I was on. 12 years later, when the old students got together and everyone had iPhone in their hands, I took out Nokia and it was on again.