1．人家考试前打开书是复习，尼玛，我打开书像是在预习！

1. Others open the book before the exam to review, NIMA, I open the book like a preview!

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2．每一天都忙死了，要不停地把氧气转化成二氧化碳。

2. I'm very busy every day, constantly converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

3．用惯了美颜相机，有一次不小心打开了手机自带的相机，吓得我手机都丢出去了。

3. I used to use the beauty camera. I accidentally opened the camera of my mobile phone, which scared me to throw my mobile phone out.

4．夏天到了，有的人还没来得及瘦成一道闪电，就被晒成乌云了。

4. When summer comes, some people will be exposed to the sun before they can thin into a flash of lightning.

5．感觉李世民好傻，他当时如果不派唐僧去取经，而是把他吃了，我们现在还是大唐盛世阿！

5. I feel that Li Shimin is so stupid. If he didn't send Tang monk to get scriptures at that time, he ate him. We are still in the Tang Dynasty!

6．每当我找到成功的钥匙，就有人把锁给换了。

6. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

7．英语老师和语文老师掉进河里你先救谁？把数学老师也一起扔下去

7. Who do you save first when the English teacher and the Chinese teacher fall into the river? Throw the math teacher down

8．好男人不该让心爱的女人受一点点馋。

8. A good man should not let his beloved woman get a little greedy.

9．黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。

9. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used it to turn my white eyes.

10．哎，你不觉得益达广告很浪漫吗？浪漫个屁，就像两个小偷在分赃，这是你的一沓，不，这是你的一沓

10. Hey, don't you think Yida advertising is romantic? Romantic fart, like two thieves sharing the spoils, this is your one, no, this is your one

11．孩子咳嗽老不好多半是装的，打一顿就好

11. Most of the children's coughs are fake. Just give them a beating

12．现在的男生太可恶了，长得比女生白，长得比女生高，长得比女生瘦，还跟女生抢男票。

12. Now the boys are too hateful. They are whiter than the girls, taller than the girls, thinner than the girls. They also compete with the girls for male tickets.

13．你怎么那么闲？因为我盐值高。

13. Why are you so idle? Because I have a high salt value.

14．同学帮我补习了三个月，终于，他的成绩也降下来了。

14. my classmate helped me with my study for three months. Finally, his grades dropped.

15．逛商场要走时门口保安喊我：等一下，你衣服鼓鼓囊囊的装了什么？我愤怒地掀起大衣吼：是肉，是肉！我自己的。

15. When I want to walk in the mall, the security guard at the door calls out to me: wait a minute, what's your bulging clothes? I angrily raised my coat and yelled: it's meat, it's meat! My own.

16．家长总怀疑我在学校处对象，说的好像有人能相中我似的。

16. My parents always doubt my object in school, saying that someone can meet me.

17．有的人，做面膜的时候，比真人好看多了。

17. some people, when making facial mask, are much more beautiful than real people.

18．三句话遗书：存折在密码箱里，密码箱在保险柜里，保险柜钥匙夹在存折里。

18. Three words: the passbook is in the password box, the password box is in the safe, and the key of the safe is in the passbook.

19．如果你以后嫁的不是我，我就改姓王，然后搬你隔壁住。

19. If you don't marry me in the future, I will change my surname to Wang and move next door to you.

20．在学校，抄作业是速度是WiFi，自己写的速度是4G；在家，抄作业的速度是3G，自己写的速度是断网。

20. In school, the speed of homework copying is WiFi, and the speed of self writing is 4G; at home, the speed of homework copying is 3G, and the speed of self writing is network disconnection.